15 Most Absurdly Extreme Guinness World Records [videos]

For nearly 60 years now, the folks at Guinness World Records have been keeping tabs on the world’s factoids, from the most inane to the most absurd. Some people are born with a penchant for counting pencils, while others desire nothing more than to walk around with a small car balanced on their head for a requisite number of seconds. Whatever the case may be, Guinness is usually just a few feet away, carefully watching and counting. These are the 15 most absurdly extreme examples of those records — just don’t try them yourself.

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Born with the Most Digits

Though he just had them removed, a six year-old Chinese boy was originally born with a total sum of 31 digits. He had previously found it nearly impossible to wear shoes, as his feet both had eight toes each; his hands were a far worse affair as they had so many fingers that many had simply melded together into flipper-like appendages. In total, the boy had 11 digits removed, bringing him back into the norm — and finally able to wear shoes. While such extreme cases of polydactyly are definitely a rarity, the phenomenon itself isn’t as uncommon as one might think. A related condition, brachydactyly, is more commonly known as clubbing of fingers or toes — like in the case of Megan Fox’s clubbed thumbs.

World’s Biggest Burger

Until recently, the title of World’s Largest Burger had been held by the folks at Denny’s Beer Barrel Pub in Clearfield, PA — but late last year a group of die-hards in Michigan pulled out all the stops to top the behemoth. Note the size of the monster the boys from Pennsylvania cook up; it’s 131 pounds. That record was smashed at Mallie’s Sports Bar and Grill in Southgate, MI, because the burger they cooked up weighed in at an enormous 185 pounds. The patty looks to be about twice the thickness of the 131 pound burger, taking this competition well beyond the ridiculous hamburger phase and into the meatloaf between huge buns dressed up to look like a hamburger era. At their current pace, it’s only going to be a couple of years before somebody makes one the size of a couch.

Longest Fingernails

It’s a bit disturbing and somewhat difficult to look at, but Lee Redmond has spent a great deal of her adult life (since 1979) growing what were once the World’s Longest Women’s nails. She held the title until last year, when she lost them in a car crash. Competing alongside Lee, but in the male category, was Melvin Booth, who continues to grow his (even more disturbing) set of nails today. In total, Lee’s nails amounted to a combined length of 28 feet, 4.5 inches — while Melvin last checked in at 29 feet, 8 inches. At least Lee had the consideration to manicure hers.



Most Beer Steins Carried Over 40 Meters

No matter which way you slice this one, it comes out as pure awesome. Lots of pure awesome. These women compete to see who can truck the most beer steins across a 40 meter stretch, full of beer, without spilling, while wearing the traditional outfit of a beer maid. It’s as magnificent as it is hilarious, because these women are serious. The most recent victor in this bold competition? Anita Schwarz — who managed to heft 16 steins full of beer across the full length of the stretch without spilling so much as a spoonful. That’s dedication.



Most Clothes Pins Clipped on Face

As ridiculous as this sounds (because it is), this is a pretty major competition in the world of record-breaking. The clothespin is just one of those innocuous household items that tends to get overlooked, but it’s always showing up in the most random of places, displaying a whole new use — and sticking them to your face to get world recognition is now one of them. In this video, we see Kevin Thackwell shatter the previously held record of 88 pins with his own 104 pin-record. The sight of these guys with that many clothespins on their faces is something that won’t soon be forgotten, we assure you.



Loudest Burp

Everyone knew the kid in school who could belch the entire alphabet, as well as the names of classmates. That guy likely outgrew his skills with time, but there are people who strive to build such talents into a refined skill. Paul Hunn and Jodie Parks are two such people, both holding the male and female (respectively) records for loudest burp. We’re not talking burps that are so-so loud either; Hunn topped out at 118.1 decibels — that’s the just a shade under the accepted loudness-scale rating of a typical rock concert. His female counterpart in all this topped out at 104.75 decibels, which is nearly the level of a car horn.



Most Pierced Woman

If you thought the longest fingernails were disturbing, then brace yourself for most piercings. Elaine Davidson has held the title for a number of years now, and she hasn’t stopped at simply maintaining it. She’s gone so far in her quest to cover her body with piercings that she’s just about ensured that no human could possibly outdo her in the near or far-future. Davidson last checked in at over 6,000 piercings. She’s literally covered her entire body in them, with the largest single concentration being her genitalia, which we can only guess is a bad thing for any would-be suitor. Think you’re hardcore with that Prince Albert? Think again.



Most People Crammed into a Mini

We all remember the old cram a ridiculous amount of people into a VW Beetle gag, and clown cars are still much-loved to this day, but when Guinness gets involved things tend to get serious. This competition is no different, as there has been a fierce battle for domination of this title for a number of years now. The rules are rigid, and the payout is minimal, but when we get to watch 23 girls (and one guy) from the New Zealand Allstar Cheerleading team cram themselves into a Mini, we’re nothing but happy. We imagine the gear-shift feels the same way.



Most Panes of Safety Glass Run Through in One Minute

The entire point of safety glass is that it doesn’t break when somebody slams into it. Whenever somebody does manage to crash through one, it’s usually by some act of violence that ends with them visiting a hospital. The glass itself shatters nicely, leaving no large shards to cut through skin, but it takes an amazing amount of momentum and force to break through in the first place. Martin Rubin De Jong of New Zealand (they like breaking records down there) decided that he was going to make it his new past time to become a master of this task. The guy heaved himself through 15 panes of regulation safety glass in just under one minute flat. That’s an impressive feat, even if it is completely asinine.



Heaviest Car Balanced on Head

John Evans is probably one of the nicest, oddest, strongest guys you could ever hope to meet. In his spare time, John likes to balance massive loads of assorted items on his head, to include small cars. In 1999, he showed this impressive skill to live audiences across the UK as he balanced a 352 lb Mini on his head, and walked around in circles like it were a heavy beach ball. Having a 24″ neck plays a huge role in his success, but the same could go for his tree trunk-like body — and that awesome hat.



Most Layers in a “Bed of Nails Sandwich”

The bed of nails is something every kid grows up knowing all about, largely due to several episodes of Looney Toons featuring one, but the idea of sandwiching people between them, and then adding more sandwiches of people and nailbeds is a bit too ridiculous to believe outright. In 2004, Britons Paul Evans, Andy Gray, Steve Prior, and Ray Prior all sandwiched themselves between layers of six-inch nails, while John Parfitt laid atop the pile of brave men. Not only was it truly ridiculous, but it was a major record-breaker that most would be too terrified to attempt to break.



Most Beer Bottle Caps Removed with Teeth

Gonzalo Plaza Sierrio of Spain is sort of like that guy you know at the bar who always insists on opening his own bottle of beer, because he’s got that special way of doing it. The difference is that Gonzalo not only prefers to do it with his teeth, and he can do it up to 54 times a minute. He did it in front of a live audience in Madrid back in 2001, and solidified his place in Guinness.



Most Iron Bars Broken by the Head in One Minute

Sound insane? Yeah, pretty much, but that doesn’t stop Wang Xianfa of China from doing this every single day. He has to do it every day, otherwise he might stop long enough to realize how ridiculous it is that he breaks iron bars with his head for a living. The guy does have some pretty fantastic stamina, we must admit, but all that bar-breaking has to take a pretty heavy toll on the skull at some point. His standing record, which was caught on tape in Beijing back in 2007 as he performed for the Guinness officials, was 26 iron bars broken by head in one minute flat. Most people get a headache just watching it.



Heaviest Weight Pulled with Eye Sockets

Another one that is actually quite difficult to watch if you value your face, Chayne Hulgren — AKA the Space Cowboy for some odd reason — demonstrated this odd and quite grotesque skill to a live audience during a performance in Milan, Italy back in 2009. The man pulled a cart weighing 907 lbs using hooks and his eye sockets. Honestly, the lady in the flashy dress is pretty nice looking, but that’s just ridiculous.



Strangest Diet

So, aside from it being strange that people compete for the title of having the strangest diet to begin with, this one is genuinely confounding. Michel Lotito, often called Monsieur Mangetout — which comes out to something like “Eats Anything” in French — has earned his place in the annals of Guinness by eating two pounds of metal a day. Seriously. The man eats metal. He started by eating bicycle rims as a kid. It’s freaky, but it’s true — and to make it weirder, all the doctors who have examined him can’t make heads or tails of it. He actually claims that regular food makes him sick. That’s what world records are all about.