Jun 21, 2010

Things You Would Never Know about Bollywood

Things You Would Never Know about Bollywood
(Please suggest more in the comments. The suggestions we have already got are at the end.)
1. If you are chasing villains in a high speed car chase, the police will sportingly not intervene or challan you for speeding.
2. Writer, poet, inventor, genius, warrior, singer, lover, entrepreneur - your average Indian coolie or milkman or taxi driver.

3. Indians have mastered telepathy to perform impromptu synchronized acts of dance.
4. Indians can change clothes, dance locations, and their age at will in a blink.
5. Dodging bullets is easier when driving.
6. It is always fun to mess with peoples' minds by boarding a flight and then sneaking back down to surprise your lover who reached the airport just in time to see your flight take off.
7. All butlers in India are named Ramu Kaka.
8. Murphy's Law of Bollywood - If it can only happen in a Bollywood movie, it must happen in every Bollywood movie.
9. Murphy's Second Law - If the probability of a bullet hitting the hero is 50%, the probability of it hitting the hero's best friend or brother is 100%.
10. Sentimental outbursts always win cases in Indian courts, especially when faced with insurmountable evidence.
11. All the hottest females are single all their lives till they find their true soulmate.
12. Nightclubs, pubs and discotheques are evil.
13. All thoughts in a person's mind are narrated loudly by an invisible celestial fairy.
14. If there is a love triangle, one of them must die for a couple to live happily ever after. There are no amicable separations.
15. 1 billion Indians, yet brothers separated at birth have a 100% chance of meeting later in life.
16. An aspiring lawyer should pursue professional acting courses rather than law degrees.
17. The Indian Penal Code is a big leatherbound book with only one article - Article 302.
18. The best way to survive a gunshot is to use a red hot knife to poke the bullet out.
19. S is pronounced as F.
20. Never murder anyone who has a pet. That goldfish will hunt you down and avenge its master.
21. Reincarnations are essentially clones of the person born after their death.
22. All terminal illnesses cause coughing of blood.
23. Indian Airport Security is sensitive to the demands of young boys who wish to propose to the girl of their dreams at the boarding gate.
24. Hand grenades usually come with a wide range of colourful smoke selections.
25. If you are not bald, you cannot be the top henchman of the villain. You usually can't even be the villain.
26. Hot girls give their phone numbers and address to random guys.
27. Women wear lip-gloss while sleeping.
28. No car in Bollywood ever needs petrol.
29. Human reincarnations can occur as a result of conversion of a mother's energy into mass.
30. Body tattoos should be used instead of Post-its. 31. If you are poor, in love with a rich girl and saving her from the Mafia, your brother/best friend is bound to die.
32. Your hot boss has a crush on you even though you smell of dead fish every morning.
33. All cars detonate and are blown a mile up in the air on impact with anything.
34. No one, ever, has had a call of nature during a conversation. However, nature conveniently calls the villain or underlings thereof if the good guy needs to sneak into a guarded fortress.
35. Guns do not kill people, they just make them drunk, groggy and whole lot angrier.
36. If shooting a man in the arm or shoulder does not work and he is still coming for you, it is useless to shoot him in the face. He is probably Superman.
37. Love at first sight never wears off.
38. Chemotherapy has never worked. Ever.
39. Credits roll for at least 15 years.
40. Every single person finds their true love someday. However all parents are arranged married couples.
41. Motorbikes on Indian streets are always parked with their keys in place.
42. Stray dogs, cats, pigs and MNS activists are all spirits from the outer world and hence cannot be captured on camera.
43. Rajnikanth can slam a revolving door.
44. Train roofs are a perfect spot to practice that moonwalk.
45. One Indian with a bullet in his forehead can alone kill a million Pakistanis with a hand pump. For more on this, go here.
46. All sisters are the most fertile women. They always get pregnant after the villain takes advantage of them for even a few seconds.
47. Na ture symbolizes all love making scenes in India, with the bird aptly flying away, the flower falling off, and the leaves bending towards one another while a guy and a girl are making out nearby.
48. Roofs of tall buildings, from where the villain can fall off and die, are always the preferred place for the climactic meeting of the hero and villain.
49. Also, after falling from the aforesaid building, the villain will always land on a car in a way that causes the car's horn to sound indefinitely...
50. The hero's brother (with a bullet wound) dies within five minutes after a farewell speech and after making hero and heroine join hands. The hero himself doesn't die until after half an hour of kickin villain-ass.
51. No matter how rich the heroine's father is, she will fall in love with a factory worker in her dad's factory.
52. Whenever the villain is making plans the hero will enter, clap thrice and say something like "Wah Kalra Saheb Wah".
53. Every household has a bottle of poison (with POISON written in capitals on the label) handy...just in case somebody feels like commiting suicide.
54. A horse carrying both the hero and heroine is always faster than the jeeps and bikes following it.
55. However, if you are a villain on a horse you are bound to get shot even if you are 2 km ahead and the shot is fired from a cheap toy pistol.
56. Every Indian is capable of instantaneously singing an original song (with just-made-up lyrics), and to summon an invisible band for support at any given time.

(Please suggest more in the comments. The suggestions we have already got are at the end.)

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