Nov 6, 2010

The 10 Tackiest Things Only the Superrich Can Afford

1.The Gold iPod
Apple’s design is famous around the world for its sleek, careful design. It’s clever, well-considered, and appealing to the eye. So, of course, for the superrich, what it’s lacking is the fact that it’s not encrusted in as much fancy crap as humanly possible. So, layer over those sleek, stainless steel lines with gold leaf! Encrust whatever you are able with diamonds! Turn a monument to simple, elegant, accessible style into something so tacky Elvis would look away in pain.
And then, do it all again next year when the new one comes out. Don’t forget to buy the “I am Rich” app again!

2.The Leopard Print Rolex
We here at the Weird Worm offices had to stop and marvel for a moment, looking at this. To admire this. Somebody actually paid for this leopard print, diamond-encrusted monstrosity. And now, they want someone else to pay $46,000 to own it.
Is it a Rolex? Of course it’s a Rolex. What else would it be, but a brand that everyone has heard of? Is that leopard print fake? Oh yes. Oh very much yes. This watch would not be the apotheosis of tacky, the grand achievement of bad taste that it is, if it were actual leopard. Are there diamonds and sapphires where diamonds and sapphires are pointless? Need you even ask?
All this for the cost of a pretty good luxury car.

3.The Gold Coffee Mug
It’s not solid gold: that would burn your hands because gold is such a good conductor. No, it’s just covered in gold leaf. And jewels. Because, clearly, you deserve a piece of ceramic that’s covered in valuable stuff because…you’re worth it, or are just too much of a dick to spend the money this costs on something truly tacky, like poor people. Yes, it’s a mug decorated like a chalice, and we have to ask…who uses this? Even the superrich can’t exactly leave a set of these sitting in the cupboard for anybody to grab a cup of coffee. Then again, if you’re spending ten grand on a coffee mug, common sense probably isn’t one of your skill sets.

4.The World’s Most Disgusting SUV
Spending, as you are, a truly offensive amount of money on truly frivolous crap, it might be safe to assume that people might want to kill you just on general principle. Or possibly to make some political point. Needless to say, there’s lots of money in keeping the rich from hearing from the people who can’t eat via explosives. So make sure your gas guzzler has gold-plated bulletproof windows, gauges covered in diamonds and rubies, a sidebar of expensive vodka, and make sure it’s upholstered in whale penis leather.
Yes, we said “whale penis leather”. Those three words have been put together now, and they can never be separated.

5.The Rose Gold Tourist Souvenir Lighter
You know, nothing really says “class” like owning some small object that’s in the shape of a building. Whether it’s an Eiffel Tower backscratcher, a Sears Tower wastebasket, or an Empire State Building coffee can, it just screams “I was here!” But those are far to cheap for your rich jerk. So what does he buy?
Why, the Vendome Column cigarette lighter, of course! And just to make it unique, it’s made out of rose gold, because yellow and white gold are just too, too common. But at least there’s no whale penis leather.

6.House Rings
Hey, speaking of classy stuff in the shape of buildings, you know what’s even classier than a household item shaped like a building? A big honking chunk of jewelry shaped like a building! Especially when you’re four years old and big honking objects on your hand are incredibly cool, because you have no concept of taste.
The rich appear to be roughly four, because these house rings are made out of gold and platinum. To be fair, it’s pretty neat how accurate the jewelers got these buildings to look. Just imagine, that time and energy might have been frittered away doing something lesser, like building a homeless shelter or something.

7.A Gold wine rack
OK, we can’t even muster up sarcasm for this one. Seriously? Seriously?! A gold wine rack? It’s bad enough this thing is designed to display wines you bought because they were expensive, but they just had to go and make this look like gold-plated IKEA furniture to boot. Every literature PhD candidate and broke early-twenties college student had the same rack, only it was made of white plastic and purchased for $1.98.
We bet this is gold-plated IKEA. It might not even be real gold. We bet if you scraped you could get that “gold” off.

8.Gold light switch plate
We’ll give this one this, at least it’s simple. No diamonds, no curlicues, no engraving, no nothing, just a solid gold plate. That happens to be a light switch plate. Because you can never let anybody in your house forget, for even a moment, that you are so nauseatingly rich you can afford to spend money on gold light-switch plates just to remind anybody who uses it how rich you are.
The fun part here is, as we mentioned, gold is a conductor, of both heat and electricity. So one short wire and you’ve got one crispy rich douche.

9.Gold coin gown
OK, so, you’ve managed to infuse everything up to your clothes with gold. Not that you have to stop there. There’s gold thread, gold plates, or you could just stop goofing around and really do it right. Wear a dress covered in gold coins.
This thing costs about $275,000, including the fur, because of course you have to have fur, and weighs eighteen pounds. Eighteen freaking pounds! It weighs more than the small yappy dogs that were obviously skinned for those fur accents! But we guess that it does, at least, have some practicality: you’ll never have to worry about hitting the ATM wearing this little number.

10.A tissue holder
So it comes to this. We could take the coin-covered gowns, and the car that whales unwillingly gave their penises to upholster, and the ’80s wine rack, and the switchplate but this…this is too much.
You know why Communism happened? The Tissue Pochette. This is exactly what everybody who bashed the capitalist system was ever talking about. This is a tissue holder. A tissue holder. Something so disposable they come free in plastic with a pack of tissues from the store. And this store wants $45 for it. The cost of four movie tickets and a date with the disabled guy in the back row. The cost of a week’s worth of groceries for a single person. For a tissue holder.
Suddenly, we have an overwhelming urge to stick a bayonet in a Tsar.


The History of iPod

History Of iPod

Time flies as it goes there are some things the creates history along with it, and we can't argue Apple's iPod is part of digital innovations each of us is enjoying right now. It's been nine years, iPod has evolved into a more popular gadget with much powerful features and gained a variety of versions. Looking back here's what you've missed along the way of an iPod story.


MP3 Player Innovative Concept

Much like his Fluid Smartphone, Brazilian designer Dinard da Mata has developed another wearable gadget that becomes a fashion accessory to complement the style of next-gen users. Hailed as “MP3 Player Creative,” the portable music player features a flexible OLED screen that other than displaying the playlist also lets the user select the song or control volume with just a touch of a finger. Worn around the wrist like a bracelet, the MP3 concept gives easy access of the functions to the user. In addition, the sleek music player includes wireless headphones to offer clutter-free music on the go.